How not to balance parenting and work
I have written in the past, on work/life balance and most of it has been from a very personal bent. And yet, for many families, this year has added another daily element to this tricky equilibrium and that is; children.
My wife and I have a daughter and for much of the year her education and work have fought for our attention. I would love to say that my wife and I reached a comfortable balance or were able to prioritise things in order to give her the attention and assistance she needed as well as making sure our work did not suffer during virtual schooling. But that would be an almighty load of BS.
Well into lockdown I realised that I, personally, had got the balance totally wrong. Before we new it as a family unit (or is it a "bubble" now?) we were at each other’s throats, short tempered, increasingly stressed and all three of us had developed what can only be described as behavioural problems.
It only took a couple of months to become rubbish parents. Is this a world record?
Yep, that’s right, we changed. Our daughter thought we were inventing calls throughout the day, just to ignore her, and my wife and I felt she was deliberately unpleasant - at times mildly violent - and picking arguments about everything that happened just to create a scene. The weekends were a blessing, Monday mornings nothing short of a trial. Arguments became a daily occurrence and we genuinely became concerned for the mental health of an 8 year old girl (something I never imagined could happen).
So it seems it only took a couple of months to become rubbish parents. Is this a world record? Probably not.
We ended up having some family meetings, very frank discussions, plenty more arguments but a few months later I would say things are getting back to normal in our family relationship. Lockdown easing and kids being back at school certainly makes a difference.
I think I am good at balancing life and work... by which I probably mean I am terrible, so I work hard at it. With the added stresses of lockdown and a totally isolated child (and I know we are lucky because we had a garden and sunny weather) this balance was rudely destroyed and many shortcomings exposed.
So, parenting and work - How do you balance these two well?
I have absolutely no idea. I thought I did. Normally ensuring weekends are free of work and attention is not divided when parenting are some key elements, but that’s easy when your kids are at school. This summer has been a real eye-opener and I realise I don’t have anywhere near all the answers.
The truth is I want my child to understand the importance and value of work from a financial perspective and from more intangible points of view, such as contributing to the world, pride, enjoyment. Setting an example by working is key here, however it pales into insignificance when compared to her wellbeing (hindsight is great isn’t it?).
How would I do things differently if we lock down again?
The scary thing is that although I would have to do things differently, I wouldn't really know where to begin. Give up work? Allow more iPad time? Persuade her to ditch school and start working? Go feral and live off grid?
I think my tactic to balance work and parenting is to keep my fingers crossed and wear a face mask.
How did you deal with lockdown if you are a parent? Comment below.
I hope some parents reading this will be heartened that they are not the only rubbish parents and maybe these links will be more useful than me:
Here’s a totally unrepresentative image I probably shared on social media curing lockdown.
Author: Thomas Smallwood is an outsourcing specialist. Having worked in companies around Europe, from the support desk to the boardroom, he founded bizee.co to help small businesses grow through efficient delegation to skilled virtual assistants. He is an award-winning blogger and a passionate advocate for mental health awareness.
Connect with Tom on LinkedIn.